hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
