She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
