giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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