Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
