If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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