She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
