dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
