Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
