i used baking grease as lip gloss
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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