the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
