"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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