If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
