Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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