i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize