If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
