Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
