you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize