How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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