He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
