is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
