dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
