Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So much rum. So many feels.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
