I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
