I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm passing your future prison.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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