I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
