you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
