I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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