Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
