Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
