i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
