I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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