Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
