Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
