What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
