You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
