If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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