she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
