I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
