you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
