This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I could make wine with my vomit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize