ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
