I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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