So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My ass is underappreciated
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
