At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
