You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
