Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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