She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so much tequila, so little girl.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize