I look better un-naked...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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