the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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