Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
