Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
