So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
