Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

If that was your dad, he is hot

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(518): View more from New York

I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(719): View more from Colorado

he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka

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(703): View more from Virginia

just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other

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(618): View more from Illinois

Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with

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(919): View more from North Carolina

What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"

(918): View more from Oklahoma

.......Shattered dreams and tequila?

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