I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
