You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
