theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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