New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
