found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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