my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
