I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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