y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
