i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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