Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
