I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
