Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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